Building Healthy Relationships with Your Grandchildren.

The Unscripted Years
Dec 28, 2025
6 min read

As a grandparent, you can play many important roles in your grandchildren’s lives. One survey of American families found that most grandparents fix meals and provide financial support to their grandchildren. However, grandparenting can go far beyond these material contributions. From words of wisdom to play to emotional support, as a grandparent you have lots to offer the younger generations in your family.

It all starts with fostering a healthy relationship with your grandchildren, by dedicating time and effort to better connect with your family. This could mean visiting your grandchildren more often, planning trips together, or simply making weekly calls or texts, or writing the occasional card or letter. As you’ll start to see, the results are well worth the effort.

What’s so grand about grandparenting?

In no particular order, grandparenting is an opportunity to play, to love someone new, to appreciate the magic of a developing mind, and to be needed by someone again. Grandparents can:

Share the things they’re passionate about with a new audience.
See the world in a new way through younger eyes.
Experience games, music, nature, reading, and other interests in conjunction with a curious young mind.
Provide expanded support and encouragement to their grandchildren.
Use their breadth of experience to avoid the pitfalls they may have encountered as parents the first time around.
Watch children develop through all stages of growth.
Learn about their grandkids’ music and passions.
Provide input that parents cannot.

Usually, grandparents have the benefit of interacting on a level that is once removed from the day-to-day responsibilities of parents. This can make it easier to develop a close bond with grandchildren. From near or far, grandparenting can provide continuity in a child’s life. Grandparents are often family historians and can add a rich sense of family tradition to a child’s life.

Additionally, contact with grandparents can teach children positive attitudes toward aging and help them develop skills to enhance their own lifelong learning. A child’s sense of security and well-being is also boosted by positive interactions with their elders. One study from the University of Oxford found that when grandparents are more engaged with grandchildren, those children have fewer behavioral and emotional issues. Other research has shown that close ties with grandparents can improve a grandchild’s emotional resilience.

Of course, not everything about being a grandparent is great all of the time. Becoming a grandparent at a young age can make some people feel prematurely old and, just as parents do, grandparents sometimes have to deal with colicky babies and moody teenagers. For most though, the benefits of being a grandparent far outweigh the drawbacks. Being involved in your grandchildren’s lives can be emotionally gratifying by making you feel useful to your family and fostering a stronger sense of belonging. Some research even suggests that noncustodial grandparenting—that is, playing a supportive role in caregiving but not having to raise your grandchildren—can help you live a longer life.

The role of a grandparent in a child’s life

Grandparents can play many different roles, depending on the family configuration and needs. Some grandparenting requires a full-time commitment. For others, grandparenting is a weekend together, an afternoon play date, a summer vacation, a chat on the phone, or a text or email exchange every now and then.

A good first step to a long and successful relationship with your grandchild is to establish some ground rules with their parents

Be clear about what role you want to have in your grandchild’s life. Let them know how often you want to babysit, for example, or whether you’d like to be included in events such as school functions.
Talk with parents about their rules. Consistency is important for kids, so know the behavior limits your grandchild has to follow at home and maintain those rules when they are with you.
Enforce any agreed upon punishment for bad behavior, whether it’s a “time out” or loss of privileges, for example.
Babyproof your home to ensure safety for infants and toddlers. Since it’s probably been a number of years since you had young children in your home, check with your grandchild’s parents about ways to babyproof your home, so they’re comfortable leaving the child with you.

Common grandparenting pitfalls to avoid

Whatever your specific circumstances, when you are expressing love, showing concern for your grandchild’s safety and well-being, and being consistent in your behavior, you are probably already doing an excellent job of grandparenting.

To avoid potential conflict within your family, try to avoid these common grandparenting pitfalls:

Trying to be the parent. As much as you might want to tell your children how to raise your grandkids, it’s not your role. Respect the parenting decisions your children make for your grandkids.
Buying your grandkids’ affection. It’s tempting for grandparents to shower their grandkids with gifts, but check with the child’s parents before you buy more toys. Maybe substitute some of your gift giving with activities instead. Do something with your grandchild that you both love and will build memories. Shower them with love instead of gifts.
Overindulging the first few grandchildren and then not being able to repeat it as additional grandchildren come along. This can cause resentment from your own children who have kids later in life. Remember that whatever you do for your first grandchild (college fund, beach vacations, trips to the zoo) will set a precedent that you might feel pressured to repeat for every other grandchild.
Ignoring boundaries. A grandparent who won’t enforce limits and gives in to their grandchild’s every whim can infuriate parents. By allowing your grandkids to misbehave, overindulge in candy and junk food, or ignore bedtimes, for example, you’re only encouraging unhealthy behavior and making their parents’ job even harder.

Tips for spending quality time with your grandkids

The best grandparenting activities flow naturally from the interests of both the grandparents and the grandchildren. You can create a deep, loving relationship with your grandchildren by sharing the things you love with them and by being available to hear about the ideas and activities that excite them.

Take it easy together. Make an effort to enjoy leisure time with your grandchildren. As a grandparent, you get to interact with your grandchildren without the same daily pressures of a parent—you don’t have to worry about driving carpool or juggling making dinner for the family with soccer practice and grocery shopping. Allow yourself to slow down and become really absorbed in an activity. Moving at a slower pace than usual can give children a sense that time can be ‘stretched’—that you don’t need to hurry through activities. And, as with adults, it gives them the space to feel, reflect, and express emotions without feeling rushed.

Get outside. Children love the outdoors, and trips to the park or the beach can be a great jumping off point for some wonderful adventures and happy memories. Nature walks and day hikes can provide lots of interesting things to talk about, and water activities can be especially fun. Throwing stones into the water or watching the current play with sticks are simple activities that can be fascinating to children. You can start these activities when kids are toddlers and expand the games as they get older.

Share your interests or your work. Engaging in hobbies and activities that you love or your grandchild loves can be a great way to spend time together and learn about each other. Sometimes, activities that you might not expect your grandchildren to be interested in, such as knitting or gardening, can turn out to provide an important point of connection. Similarly, if you take an interest in something they are passionate about, such as video games or the Harry Potter books, they get to share their special area of knowledge and may open up in new ways.

If you are still working, a visit to your place of work can add a dimension to your grandchild’s perception of you. If you are retired, pictures and stories about what your working days were like can do the same.

Making the most of your grandparenting time

Carve out one-on-one time. On occasion, spend time with individual grandchildren. It will give you an opportunity to bond, without competition, with one grandchild at a time.
See the sights. Concerts and plays, movies, science centers and museums, parks, or walks in the neighborhood provide opportunities to be together and to exchange ideas and opinions.
Play games. Board and card games are a unique opportunity to watch kids in action and to see how they operate in the world. Games also allow you to help your grandchild learn to be a good sport and play fairly.
Communicate family history. Tell stories about games or trips you shared when the grandchild’s parents were young. This is a great way to weave a ‘tapestry’ of shared experiences for the whole family.